I haven’t written anything to you in a while. I sincerely hope that you’re all doing well and if you’re not, I pray that this changes soon. Sometimes, the pressures of life weigh us down and it’s not always easy, but we must not give up. On March 8, 2018, we celebrated International Women’s Day a day where the achievements of women were recognized worldwide. If the women of the past generations had given up when things got hard, we would still be cast out when on our periods or told that a woman’s place is in the kitchen, etc. I’m encouraged to not give up because my life, my fight, could help someone else in their journey.
I’ve been thinking a lot about self-love lately and the importance of it. I’m sure you know what self-love is but let me share the definition from the dictionary. The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines self-love as “love of self” or “regard for one’s own happiness or advantage”. If you were to reflect on your self-talk would you find that you are loving to yourself? I used to say, “I am my biggest critic” and though it may give the impression that this was a good thing, it wasn’t. Whenever I made mistakes, failed or just saw inadequacies, I came down hard and harsh on myself. It wasn’t healthy nor was it helpful as it resulted in me accepting negative speeches from other people as well. I saw this quote:
“I am my own biggest critic. Before anyone else has criticized me, I have already criticized myself. But for the rest of my life, I am going to be with me and I don’t want to spend my life with someone who is always critical. So I am going to stop being my own critic. It’s high time that I accept all the great things about me.” ― C. JoyBell C.
Can you imagine living with someone who is constantly criticising you? It would get annoying depressing and even lonely. Truth is, it’s a trait that comes along with insecurity issues and boy did I have those. It wasn’t until I decided to get to know myself that I was able to appreciate this woman and speak life into her. Sis, you may find it hard to love yourself, however, you must first love yourself as what you think of yourself is what you accept from others. Self-love helps you to protect your heart and mind and hold your value high.
Make Self-love a Practice
Sis, self-love is something that you have to practice, it is a journey that requires dedication. No one gets motivated to do better through negative criticism and shame tactics. Motivation comes through positive reinforcements and encouragements.
Pay attention to your self-talk each day and in certain situations for example, when you get hurt, when you gain weight, when you get scolded by a parent/teacher/boss, when you disappoint someone. If you find that your self-talk is negative, chances are it has been going on for years without you noticing and it will not change overnight. Each day, change the negative thoughts you have of yourself into positive ones. Accept the good the bad the ugly and the beautiful things about yourself and where you can make changes, work on it. Spend some time and enjoy your own company, consider what makes you happy and go enjoy it. I legit went to Carib 5 theatre and watched a movie by myself, I started treating myself to the occasional ice-cream, a new blouse, etc. I found that I over did the spending at times though so I had to catch myself and say love your bank account too please.
You can use Gary Chapman’s love languages to achieve your goal of self-love:
- Words of Affirmation: Speak positively to yourself
- Acts of Service: Do things for yourself
- Receiving Gifts: Treat you-self
- Quality Time: Spend time in your own company
- Physical Touch: Take care of your body
Sis just allow yourself to make mistakes and choose to learn from them, don’t scold yourself. Decide to love yourself every day and watch as your best-self blossoms.
Do you have any thoughts on self-love you’d like to share? Leave a comment