It’s wedding season and a month away from our first wedding anniversary. A lot of excitement surrounds weddings and a new marriage. Friends, family members and acquaintances (though they mean well), often make awkward, embarrassing, or annoying comments to newlyweds. As a newlywed I experienced all three below. The thing is I never knew how awkward or embarrassing they were until I experienced it myself.
Here are the 3 things to stop saying to newlyweds.
“When are you having kids?”
This is probably among the most frequent questions newlyweds hear. I haven’t been married a year yet and I can’t count the amount of times I’ve been asked this question. It’s a way to express your joy for newlyweds however, it’s good to just let people enjoy the current event before moving to the next huge life event. Jonathan and I decided to enjoy each other before including children. After JUST getting married we didn’t want to add children running around all day, burping, sneezing, crying. It’s important for newlyweds to enjoy some time together, just the two of them before adding children in the mix.
Additionally, I think this is too personal a question but consider your relationship with the couple before asking.
“How is married life?”
This is really an innocent question asked by people who mean well and usually simply want to hear that you’re happy. Jonathan and I always say that married life is like unmarried life, that is, pretty regular most of the time. It includes work, doing laundry, cooking, etc.
I get asked this question a lot and usually my answer is “it’s great” because I have to consider my answer. If I say, “It’s okay,” will it seem as if it’s not going well, or if I say, “It’s amazing,” will it seem like I’m being extra? I never knew how to answer the how is life question and I don’t know how to answer the how is married life one either. What if you’re told it’s the worst, are you prepared to help?
“You gained some weight”
I can admit that I’ve innocently made this comment more than a few times. I didn’t realise how awful it was until my husband and I became victims of it. Weight gain is a sensitive subject. Most newlyweds get comfortable staying home more and enjoying home-cooked meals which often results in weight gain. For females the excess weight can be a result of contraception and thus out of her control. Pointing it out can cause insecurity, shame or even self-disgust which can lead to marital problems. Even if you’re okay with it being said to you that doesn’t mean everyone will be.
Think about the questions or comments before voicing them. If they’re not encouraging and loving toward the couple and their future together, don’t say it..